Wherever there is love, war is usually around the corner.
I’m a cynic, you’ve caught me.
Don’t get me wrong, love is cool (kudos to those who have found their matching sunflower in this desert we refer to as life) but don’t let all those free dinners get to your head. Be smart, not naive. DO YOUR HOMEWORK! Keep the ball in your court when it comes to matters of the heart and arm yourself with knowledge. Asking the right questions today to avoid a hurtful blast from the past tomorrow is well worth the awkward conversation.
5 Questions you should be asking “Bae”…
1. What was your childhood like? Believe it or not, but this is probably one of the squirmiest of questions for some. Why? Because everyone, and i mean EVERYONE has something that makes them at the least, just a little bit fucked up and your about to uncover it. Good news, this can be your opportunity to prove just how caring you really are. Be a good ear, and no matter what, REFRAIN FROM BEING JUDGMENTAL. Everyone’s got a story to tell. Opening up the lines of communication at this point is super important, otherwise how do you get to the meat and potatoes?
2. When was your last relationship? Rebound relationships suck #sorrynotsorry but they do. From my personal experience, rebound relationships rarely ever work out. Proper time for grieving and breathing after a relationship has ended is super important. Make sure this has had an opportunity to run its course. You are not his therapist, he’s got to be way over the old shit, to be ready for anything new. You owe it to yourself to find out if your apart of a potential train wreck.
3. How did it end? Was there cheating? How ugly was the breakup? Was your man in the wrong? Meat and potatoes girlfriend. This is how you learn his true character. If he was the victim, you now know how to handle his heart. If you suspect he’s lying, all will reveal itself in good time. Did either party attempt to mend the relationship? This is how you find out just how final things are, you may have a stage 5 clinger on your hands, or your boyfriend could be carrying a torch for someone else. Just remember that knowing his past is knowing your future; you need this information.
4. Are there any loose ends? Just because he loves you doesn’t mean he loves his wife and children any less. Speaking of children, did he produce any during his last relationship? If so, how does he plan to stay involved? Deadbeat fathers are unacceptable because that only makes you a deadbeat father’s girlfriend. Yuck. Also, it may sound silly to some but you should definitely question his marital status before getting involved. Leave nothing to chance.
5. Where have you been? And no, I don’t mean to the grocery store. Yes, we are talking about sex. Some people feel like there is only a small window of time to ask this question before it is too late. I’m here to yell FALSE! And also to kick you in the head for not asking sooner. It is NEVER too late to talk about sex. If you are planning to share your body with someone, they owe you a peek at “the list”. You deserve the facts because this is a matter of health… and slight nosiness but you get to do that if your going to add to his list.
Listen, nothing about gaining and maintaining a relationship is easy so get the weird shit out-of-the-way early. Once you’ve got the dirt it is only fair to return the favor, don’t make him ask you. Someone has to be the adult by getting the conversation started. Now is not the time to be concerned with boundaries. Be open, honest, fair and true. Don’t be afraid of the facts of his life. At the end of the day we are all human and we all can’t be as cool as you.